Weekly Report 21: 2/11/2019 to 2/17/2019
Recently, ISM students gave their Original Work research presentations. Having prepared my speech to include detailed learning experiences for each of my interviews and a summary of my original work with targets for the next project, I was surprised that my presentation ended up running short. To be fair, my presentation skills have definitely become rusty as it has been a little while since I have had to present research for a class, much less give a twenty-minute speech consisting of deep introspection in the review of my semester. I found myself tripping over my words, forgetting or shortening pieces of the speech, and nervously spewing fillers to bridge the gaps between my thoughts, bad habits which appeared to have been broken in the past.
In reflecting on the presentation of my learning experiences, I realize now where the content of my speech could have been improved, including lengthening the exploration of my quote and its applications to my learning and delving deeper into the knowledge that I gained from my mentor visits this year. However, the main takeaway from this initial reflection has been that I still possess a fear of public speaking. In the past, I have had a “fake-it-till-you-make-it” attitude about my presentations, hoping that, with time, I would become more comfortable speaking in front of others. While I do believe that my previous year and a half in the ISM program greatly improved my public speaking skills in that I now feel more able to improvise without notecards and can maintain better eye contact throughout a speech, I have come to the conclusion that I lack confidence in my speaking abilities, but also in myself.
In the past spring, I gave a practice final presentation for my closest friends, my teachers, and my mother: all of the people whose opinions I care too much about. Of all of the presentations I gave, this one was the most nerve-wracking and ended, similarly, being way too short. In congruence with my performances on the cello, I find that playing for people whose opinions I value is much more difficult than playing for strangers.
Over the weekend, I spent a lot of time journaling and watching TED talks about this subject, and I believe that the best way to overcome my fear of vulnerability and presenting in front of others is to practice my speeches more often and put myself into those uncomfortable situations. My goal for the rest of this semester is to push myself to give more presentations and work on developing confidence that is unshakable, even in the face of the people who I care about most. In all reality, speaking in front of the people who love me should be the most forgiving since their support will not dwindle after a bad presentation, so this task should not be as daunting as I perceive it to be. By giving these presentations, accepting my flaws, and growing from my mistakes, I hope to not only improve my speaking abilities but to build self-confidence for my final presentation at the end of the year.