Deep Thoughts

Weekly Report 2/20/2018 to 2/26/2018

These past six weeks have been exhausting and reminded me quite a bit of the beginning of the year when I was stressed about AP Physics. One thing that I have realized throughout this process of transitioning to the second semester with adding another class and regularly meeting with my mentor has been that I cannot do everything. I have learned that I really value prestige and taking classes which I am proud of, even if they are not enjoyable or beneficial to my career path. This has really led to an intense feeling of burning out and even caused me to self-induce a panic attack before an AP U.S. History test a couple days ago. After thinking over the weekend and evaluating my classes further, I have realized that, although there is nothing more that I can do to edit my course load this year, next year I really want to focus on choosing classes which interest me and do not leave me overwhelmed and anxious as they have this year. I am planning to take more art classes to explore my creative side on paper and through digital means as well, and hopefully this will help me to both learn more about my real passion and relax a bit from the stress of junior year.

In addition, I have noticed that this trend is similar with my career path. Like my desire to overload myself with multiple AP classes and challenging extracurriculars, I wanted to go into the law for the prestige and the honor, knowing that my career would serve to protect others. However, I am slowly coming to terms with the fact that I may not be someone great. I had always hoped to involve myself in politics or humanitarian efforts to feel like I made a huge impact on the world and did something great with my life. Even though this would be admirable, I have realized that I love working on art. I have so much fun creating artsy crafts and lose track of time when editing videos of any kind, and I have never felt that way about anything else. What I have really learned from this introspection has been that even though I may be capable of being a lawyer, it is not what I love to do or should be doing with my life.

When I was younger, I wished that my parents had perhaps pushed me to practice longer or study harder so that I could have been at a higher academic, musical, and legal level at this point. But looking back, all of the time I spent not doing those things was devoted to creativity. I had a YouTube channel making stop motion videos and recycled craft tutorials with my American Girl Dolls, and I ran a side photography instagram account for them. Although I always saw this as just a weird phase of my life, the more that I consider what I should be doing with my career, the more that I realize how valuable these experiences were. Creating YouTube videos and editing DSLR photographs of my dolls actually taught me skills in editing, photography and videography, and gaining a following through social media marketing. I am forever grateful that my parents did not hinder this by pushing me to study or practice more, but instead allowed me to experiment with my interests and ultimately build the foundation for my newly discovered passion for art.